Sunny and breezy. So what?

From Naples, FL

The Marriott Residence Inn. Never again. Too much noise, too few amenities, mostly nice but mediocre staff. Not my cup of tea. Although I have made myself “at home”. I rearranged the “living room” furniture to better suit my needs of working inside the vast majority of time on this trip. Two events in the evening (tonite’s doesn’t start til 10pm!) Boy, was that couch heavy! Must have a sleeper in it.

I look around and think how dismal it must be to do “this” the majority of the week? Or maybe not so bad if there’s nothing better at home? I have ‘more than wonderful’ to return to and know I am completely blessed.

The noise part? I have a hard time concentrating with ambient noise although I can take a nap like a champion on a couch when it’s swirling around me (especially if there’s a sports event on tv, I love drifting off to that).

Amenities? I prefer the Marriott Inn and the Marriott Courtyard. Things are all connected. More staff, more professional. Better meets the needs of business travelers. Fewer yelling children, oblivious adults, and no small, yappy dogs. Jesus, the walls are thin. Shut up!!!

Whatever happened to the days when parents cared about their children not impinging on other people’s space?! Especially when in public. When I was a kid If we misbehaved we were in the Mercury so fast sitting by ourselves! Ah, the good ‘ol days. That was when no one got arrested for a quick smack to the butt or well timed stay in the car.

God, I must be getting old. In general, most people annoy me. Not the polite, well mannered folks but the other 98% of society. Do you know to cover your mouth when you sneeze or cough? Try it some time. And try teaching your children while you’re at it. Hold the door for the person behind you, help someone carry bags if their arms are full and they’re struggling. Don’t wait until their belongings cascade to the ground. And for Pete’s sake (and everyone else’s), SHOWER! What ever happened to personal hygiene? If you’re going on a plane PLEASE do so in clean clothes, with washed hair and brushed teeth. If you can afford a plane ticket you can certainly afford hot running water, soap and toothpaste.

Cell phones. Do I really have to listen to your private conversation with Aunt Mary about the test results you just got from the doctor? Now, the fun stuff about how crazy drunk you were last night can be entertaining but once I hear about a trail of clothing you’ve gone too far. That, my friend, is none of my business.

And while I’m on the subject of cell phones… how freaking loud does that ringer have to be?!!! Jesus. Please, silence the dang thing quickly when it’s ringing at a thousand decibels! Better yet, put the thing on vibrate when you’re in public. And unless it’s an emergency or God calling, don’t answer it when you’re out to eat with someone. The person you’re dining with should be the center of your attention not a call from your bff with the 411 on the 30%-off shoe sale at the local DSW.

Speaking of electronics… can someone tell me why every hotel isn’t wireless by now? It’s the new millennium people! 80% of Americans have computers in their homes and half have wireless networks. Being tethered to a desk is so 20th century. I like the option to change venues, go outside, sit in the lobby, or just move from the “living room” to the bedroom. Let’s cut the proverbial ethernet cable!

Baggage. Do you not get it by now that you are supposed to put your carry-on luggage in the overhead compartment WHEELS FIRST?! For God’s sake, be considerate! How many times have you heard the attendants tell you “wheels first”, “straight in”. Not sideways, STRAIGHT in!!! Make room for other people’s luggage. Look. Times are tough, there’s a fee to check luggage now so more and more people are traveling with only carry-on bags. More bags, same amount of space. The world doesn’t revolve around your Tumi briefcase or Gucci handbag. Small items UNDER the seat in front of you to make room for their larger breathren pieces in the overhead compartments.

Let’s see, what else? Rental cars. Mostly good. However, I rented a Ford Cobalt (“cheap” was the day’s password) and it doesn’t even have a 12 volt plug in it! How is that even possible? I travel with a GPS because I attend events in places I’ve never been and need to plug it in for it to work (or charge so I can use it in battery mode). Not this time. Ugh. Paper maps. Remember a time when that’s all there was? AAA trip tix. Not even Google maps, just plain ‘ol paper maps. I sucked in geography and map reading when I was a kid. I’m better at it now but still prefer the GPS, which we named Ms. Maple, when we were headed for Mont Tremblant, Canada two summers ago (or was it three?)  We selected the British woman’s voice to provide regal sounding directional advice. When overshooting a requisite turn she even makes the command, “recalculating”, sound better.

Food. I’ve learned to travel with Detour protein bars, fruit, nuts and other snacks (Goldfish mainly). It’s much easier when getting in late to have something available in the room. Besides, I’ve found that eating late is really not good. Not only is there no chance to burn it off, restaurant portions are always too big and I feel an obligation to not waste food. So, I’ve gained 4 pounds of FAT in the last 6 mths that I am TOTALLY unhappy about but not quite driven enough to shed. Why not provide healthier options in reasonable quantities? It’ll cost the same, I’ll sleep better and I’ll fit into my pants more comfortably.

See what I mean? I’m starting to sound like Andy Rooney!

I think it’s nap time. Let me see what college football game is on…

Why, why, why?

I find that I have very little free head space these days. My “best” thinking is done in my car, where it’s quiet (when I want it to be) and there are few interruptions (except for txt msgs and the occasional phone call). It’s difficult to be creative when the space in your head doesn’t exist for free-form thinking. God, I miss that. It may seem like an oxymoron that someone who is considered an extrovert actually gets twitchy without the requisite quiet/down time. There’s a lot to be said for “nap time” in school. If only we had that at work, ahhhh that would be good.

How come some people are so loud–all of the time? Whatever happened to the “quiet voice” that teachers required you to use as a child when you passed through the hallways? Although, laughter never bothers me. Actually, hearing someone else laugh usually makes me laugh– so thank you to the laughers of the world.

The dog is hyper-obsessing about something (real or imagined) that has escaped her capture and has slipped beneath the stove. The cat (who’s 15 and has gone almost completely deaf) is screaming to go outside. More noise. Scratch, scratch, scratch goes the paw. Meeeooooow goes the cat. The only silent being in this house is Buddah (the rescued boy cat). Note to self: give all future pets names that are Zen-like in nature.

Okay, the dogs OCD has just caused me to scream from the office to “stop it!” Like she speaks English?! But she does know the tone of an unhappy mommy. It will deter her for a moment or two and I can assure you she’ll… spoke too late… she’s already pawing at the stove again. Thank God we just her groomed and her nails are short.

It’s funny. I write posts on this blog as though someone else is actually going to read them. Hahaha. No one even knows it exists! Which I guess is a good thing. That way I can say whatever I want and nobody knows, nobody cares. Hmmm. Is that a good thing?

I’m tired a lot these days. I try to not worry that maybe I have cancer again or that the cancer medication that I have to take is ruining my heart. I try to be philosophical and look at the bright side. Sometimes though I just want to say, “What the F#CK?!” Not once but twice?!! Jesus H. Christ. F#ck.

Speaking of inappropriate language I have found myself swearing up a blue streak in the presence of one–me. Holy cow, it is just one foul word after another when I’m frustrated about something. I get so mad I blurt out made up words trying to rapid fire express every swear word in the book. Sometimes I just start hysterically laughing at myself (at least I’m good company even in bad moments) but other times I’m aghast at my inability to manage the frustration and think, “Holy sh!t, I sound like my Dad after his stroke. If I keep this up that’s all I’ll be able to say to if something goes “haywire”

“One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.”

I’ve been interrupted by a talking head. Go back a few paragraphs and read what I wrote about my need for quiet sometimes and how I get twitchy without it? Exactly.

Riding the teeter-totter of life.

I just read an interesting post at Top of the Mountain about work, play and balance. My comment was this, “Chores first, play second.” As a child it taught me discipline that has served me well my whole life. I always enjoy playing much more when I know there’s no work waiting on the back end. I grew up with the reward being both the feeling of success from a job well done topped off by something fun (which was anything from playing outside to an extra 30 minute t.v. show). The benefit of learning and living this principle has translated well into my professional life as well.

Are there times I disregard C.F.P.S.? Sure! It is all about balance… and sometimes unadulterated fun is what I need to maintain or regain it.

For me I see it as the teeter-totter of life. As long as neither side whacks the ground and spanks my butt, I’m okay! 

Maybe work/life balance is about doing what I need to do to be balanced, not necessarily juggling a million things perfectly so that I “feel” balanced.

The ending which precedes the beginning.

Isn’t that kind of the big bang theory in one sentence? Okay, not really. I just looked it up. But that sentence just sounded so cool in my head and that it was the perfect thing to say following the title of this post. 

A lot of things only make sense in my head. And sometimes I think something so loud I swear I’ve either actually said it or that it was possible that someone could hear it if they were really listening.

Well, today was the last day at a job that I thought was going to be great but wound up being a personal nightmare. Torture, actually. Sometimes. (Often times.) Talk about being a bad “fit”. But now it’s onto bigger and better things!

I realize that it’s all about learning and the gathering of experiences (both personal and professional). So, in that sense, the job had it’s value. And I certainly enjoyed all of the members of my entire team. Each and every one brought something special and unique to my world. For that, I will always be grateful. I only hope that I gave back in ways that were as meaningful.

Okay, so what did I really learn? That I won’t “bend over” for anyone, I don’t care if you are the president. I have this “thing” about wanting fair and equal treatment for everyone, for colleagues to be appreciated, recognized and valued (as well as for myself). And when that doesn’t happen, I stand up. For everyone. I think I get that characteristic from my dad and from my dad’s dad. [Yes, that would be my grandfather. I don’t know why I didn’t just write that. I guess it was a literary thing. Or that thing in my head again about it sounding good.) Anyway, I have always said (dating back to my teenage years) that I won’t respect someone just because of their “position”. But add in behavior that disrespects, a personality that is conceited and an over inflated ego and I am really going to have a problem. Bear in mind, however, that my disdain for this kind of authority figure in no way effects my dedication and commitment to generating the best work product or my desire to be the best employee/colleague I possibly can. I want to succeed no matter what, especially when it becomes a battle of wills. I definitely feel victorious in this situation as I came out on top, left on my own terms, at a high point in my tenure with numerous, measurable accomplishments. But nothing meant more than when colleagues came into my office and said, “I’m going to miss you,” “I’m going to miss your smile,” and “What are we going to do without you?” That is all that truly matters… that I made a difference in people’s lives.

And so, it was a good day, a good run. I can put my head on the pillow tonight knowing I did the best I can and that I am even better prepared for the new opportunity which begins in 10 days.

Waiting can be torturous!

Are you a patient person? I’m not. Not by nature anyway. I can be completely patient but it is usually a focused effort, a conscious thing. As soon as I typed that last sentence I realized there are qualifiers to that statement. Inexplicably, I can be incredibly patient and even surprise myself! But when it comes to something that is going to be positive-ly life changing for me, I vacillate back and forth (kinda like someone who has only two speeds–hysteria or lethargy–my Dad used to say). 

(5 1/2 hrs have passed)

Well, I suddenly found myself feeling very down after I got home from work. Couldn’t tell ya why but I figured I’d run through the “HALT” (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) checklist. I was hungry, lonely and tired. First things first. Nourishment. I drove myself to the diner and on the way there left a couple peeps messages. And while there I sent a few txts and got a few back. Next thing I knew, a few tears leapt out of my weary little eyeballs and ran down my cheeks. I realized, as I sat there alone, how sad I was that I’ll be celebrating my Mom’s 70th birthday without my Dad. It just hit me like a ton of bricks. And how sad my Mom must be without him. I guess sitting there eating alone triggered these thoughts. Usually, I’m fine dashing out on my own when my better half isn’t around. But tonight was different.

After a quick bite a met up with a bunch of friends that share a common goal and we hung together for an hour. I knew that would make me feel better (I planned that before I even pulled out of the driveway for the diner). I had remedied hungry and lonely.

I’m finding writing the past few days has been a great outlet.

Now I’m just tired and the only solution I know of is to go to bed. So away I go. G’night y’all. Sleep well and pleasant dreams.

The Sounds of Silence

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock goes the big clock above the sliding door. Percolator purring kitty on my lap. A motorcycle ripping down the street in the distance. A train whistle from the tracks across town. The buzz of a small aircraft flying overhead, getting louder as it closes in on the house then fades as it continues to travel east. Truck engines humming, overlapped by the train, tick-tock of the clock, percolator purring, and the slightest electrical buzzing from my laptop. A regular concerto! It’s cool to hear the sounds of silence.

I seldom have the house to myself, especially in the evening. As much as I am energized by the hustle and bustle of the day, strategizing, problem solving, thinking, analyzing… I am grateful for moments like this. It’s rejuvenating. Feels like the air getting pumped back into the deflated pool toy after it was out in the sun all day. I’m so tired I could fall asleep at my keyboard but writing is relaxing. It’s like when you tip your head sideways and thump the side of it to get the water out of your ear. That’s what it feels like when I’m writing after a day like today. 

Don’t get me wrong, today wasn’t a bad day, just draining. I had to be into work by 7:!5am to prep for a presentation that included the president as a member of the audience. Outside vendor was the presenter but I’m one of the “leads” (it’s a long story, sordid and aggravating, not the vendor, the politics of the situation) on the project. First meeting was 2+ hours straight. Then 30 minute break. Then (4) 1-hour focus groups. Followed by a 30 minute break. Followed by a 75 minute meeting that included the president again, which ended triumphantly. Another 30 minute meeting. Then straight away to an appointment from 6-7pm. Home at 7:15. Now, 12 hours may not seem like a long day but at the level of sustain that was necessary to accomplish the day’s goal, it felt much longer.

A bowl of cereal and two pieces of toast smeared with some organic not-quite-peanut-butter-spread constituted dinner (it was all the energy I felt like exerting to feed myself). And now it’s almost 9pm. One more quick business call to make and the day will be officially over. BRB.

Okay, not so quick after all. But a good debriefing about the days’ work.

Tomorrow’s to-do list: On to even bigger and better things. 

Goooooooooooooal!!!

Yesterday we kicked off our spring futbol season. And oh how wonderous it was! After two years of being stuck, er, playing in goal, I was able to step onto the pitch at left mid. Ahhhh, wide open space. The day may have been gloomy but our spirits were high. We were all happy to see one another, quickly got caught up and welcomed our new players (quality additions, btw). We heard the very sad news of the sudden loss of a teammate’s father and acknowledged the absence of one of our regulars who recently moved away. We huddled, chanted “1-2-3-WIN!” and the opposing team kicked off the first 40 minutes of play.

Being that our opponents were one of the two top teams in the league, I thought I’d be a bit nervous but oddly enough, I settled right in. It was odd for some of my teammates to see me playing in front of them but they acclimated quickly. Out of the gate we seemed a tad off our game and subsequently they scored first. Then we started putting together some nice runs, one culminating in a gorgeous cross from my teammate, Sandra, as I made my way toward the goal. I leapt above the fray to meet the ball with a pounding header that just skimmed the top of the cross bar. A collective groan echoed across the field. No one, however, was more disappointed than me. Had it hit the back of the net, it would have made my top five goals of all time (and I’ve been playing quite awhile). But I’ve gotta tell ya, it felt good anyway. We went into half-time down 1-nil.

In the second half we really started to click. We pressed hard, had some great shots but couldn’t score. Another shot was cleared, to my side and I beat out my defender. Half way between mid-field and the top of the box I ran onto the ball and rifled a shot into the uppermost right hand corner. Gooooooooooal! It was a rocket and there wasn’t a goalie anywhere that could have stopped it. It was beautiful! One of my top 5 goals of all time.

I felt the emotions well up and could have definitely lost it (and almost did). After battling cancer a second time last year, it meant everything to be back on the field yesterday. I was just overwhelmed with gratitude. To be with my friends, to be playing, to be alive.

Life is good.

What in the world is mojovate?

On 27 March 2008 I created a new word and today I’m officially sharing it with the world (although, truth be told, it was previewed on Facebook and Twitter on its’ day of origination). MOJOVATE, [mō'jō'veyt], 1. to magically stimulate others to create or engage; 2. to inspire oneself to perform exceptionally; 3. a captivating spirit or energy that drives innovation. mo•jo•va•tor, noun; She is the top mojovator on her team. mo•jo•va•tor•y, adjective; His speech was exceptionally mojovatory.

My foray into Lexicography. I’ve have been fascinated with words since my 4th grade teacher, Ms. Hosenfeld (more on her in another post perhaps), asked us to explain why things were identified by the names they had been given. At the tender age of nine, this was absolutely boggling. I remember thinking, “Why is a chair called a chair?” OMG, that was like asking me to explain infinity. I thought surely I would lose my mind.

Well, I can’t recall the outcome of that assignment (remember, I hinted that this teacher may come up in a future post) but suffice it to say, I doubt it was favorable. However, it didn’t suppress my enthusiasm for language. I realize that this post will not be properly coded and therefore won’t have the proper line spacing, line breaks or fonts but I’ll figure that out as I go along.